it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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