I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
