I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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