The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
