Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
