had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
nutella sex= disaster
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
