How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
