he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
