he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
