If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
