You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
