Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
