i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
