her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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