I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In America we eat man semen.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
