he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
