so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
