i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
