Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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