I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
