Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
