She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
