Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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