The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
