I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
