We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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