Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
