Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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