Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
