I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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