im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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