Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
