I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
handjob tips. give me some.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
