its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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