On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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