i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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