so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
