In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
