how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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