I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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