you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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