R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
