For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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