I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
