today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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