I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
