I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
