I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
