i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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