I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
