Moan for me like Helen Keller
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
