what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sober January is a disaster.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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