On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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