We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
