when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
