He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
