Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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