the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
