yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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