Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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